Ok, when did the holidays get here? I've been so consumed in the unfolding tragedies happening within my own stepfamily this year that I feel like I missed it all. Others didn't miss a beat though. Driving around my neighborhood yesterday, there are Christmas lights and decorations going up everywhere.
If you've been living in your stepmomma world for awhile like me, I won't have to tell you how daunting it can be. If you're a new SM, hang on to your tinsel, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Below, are some of the top lessons I've learned the hard way on gift giving.
1. Give without Expecting Anything in Return
I'm guessing that old pesky saying was first coined by a stepmom. That's right ladies, don't expect a thank you or any kind of acknowledgment...from anyone.
Let me take you through a few personal experiences. BM is absent for most of the year except for birthdays and holidays, when the Super Mom personality likes to take over the host body. This is her time to be in front of her parents and family and show off what a great mother she is. The other boring days of the year are when my hubby and I do the heavy lifting. Go figure.
This is where I used to have to remind myself that it's not about me, it's about the kids. The hubs and I never wanted to send the kids empty handed without a present for the BM and half-siblings so we'd add them all to our shopping list. Excited as my SKs were to see their mother, they were always nervous about these visits which just added to the stress of finding that perfect gift. I can remember one particular Christmas season, walking through Kohl's with my SD (who was probably 10yrs old at the time) trying to find the joy as we shopped for her mother. *rollingeyes* That year, we settled on a red hat, matching scarf and some slippers large enough to fit an NBA player. Ugly and big feet! I heard they fit perfectly. HA!
Another gift giving memory for me was the time when my SKs were preparing to attend their half-brother's birthday party. I remember sitting on my living room floor early one morning making gift baskets for them to take. I had handpicked each toy, every item and packaged everything perfectly. My SKs just grabbed them and off my baskets went. When we picked them up from the party, I asked them how their brothers liked their gifts or if their mom said anything about them. Crickets. Nothing.
As if those times didn't teach me enough, I decided to step it up and get even craftier with some DIY coasters for both the BM and my bio son's new SM for a Mother's Day. Yeah, I did. Crazy right? Believe me, I wish I could take it all back. I jumped on Facebook and copied just the right pics of their kids as well as the children we shared together. The next day, my son's SM posted a picture of those coasters and tagged him with 'The coasters my oldest son made for me!' Ugh. The BM's family also posted a Facebook pic expressing a similar sentiment. Double ugh. Mother of the Year...yeah right. Never again.
Looking back, I was secretly hoping for some recognition from my SKs, my son and dare I say it? The BM and the new SM. Just a small pat on the back that someone somewhere was noticing how far out of my way I was going.
2. Always refer to #1.
Giving should be its own reward. I'd laugh but I'm totally choking on that one.
