Is there really something to the Second Wives Club? Until I became one, I couldn't have been convinced.
We have all experienced the nightmares of marrying a man who has already been married before. Perhaps you are currently experiencing the *joys* of a bitter ex-wife (rolling my eyes) or found yourself married to a widower. Well as SMs, shouldn't we get to toot our own horns just a tad bit more since we pull double duty with the crap of being part of this club and DUN-DUN-DUUUN...the Stepmom Club too? I'm so thrilled to hear you feel me on this one.
The other night, my family and I attended my niece's birthday party fashionably late as usual. What we missed was the showing of an old Xmas video from several years ago that my mother-in-law (MIL) was just dying for us to watch when we arrived. Out of respect for the second wives, my happily married forever bro-in-law suggested we watch it another time since the Ghost of someone's Christmas Past makes an appearance.
To my surprise, my MIL kept insisting that we all knew the first wife existed and who cared. She even went so far as to say her name out loud! GASP! At that particular moment, the word 'TRAITOR' came to mind. On most days, my MIL is the most agreeable woman in the room yet on this particular evening, she was ready to tussle. After three rounds or so, she finally shut up. I remember being so irritated that my MIL could have had such a disrespectful attitude not only towards us, the second wives, but also to her sons. If I think I'm going to a 12 yr old's party only to be bombarded with videos of the ex, my husband will be the one hearing about it on the drive home. My MIL is married to her high school sweetheart of 45 yrs and kept her nuclear family in tact. Of course, she wouldn't get it.
Anywho, we ended up watching the video later after everyone else went home. Luckily for me, it wasn't my husband's ex in the video so I could stomach it a little more. I watched my SKs as their cute tiny selves, dressed to the nines, giggle, dance and eagerly chat away about Santa's arrival. My hubby looked sad and quiet unlike now, where he is the life of every party. Even my SKs noticed this and I happily fired back with, he was sad because he hadn't met me yet. Score!
My 12 yr old bio son, who only knows my husband as DAD (my hubby adopted him when he was 5 yrs old), stood with me and watched too. I could tell he was somewhat uncomfortable seeing the family he's always known as his own and yet none of us were there. He has no recollection of what these two broken families looked like before it was HIS brother, his sister, his Dad, his grandma, his uncle, his cousin.
Still, these aren't our memories. My bio children and I aren't there. The family we have built over the last decade wasn't represented in that home movie. We are a family of 6. Cherish the memories of what was? No thanks.
Of course, this is only something a SM would understand.
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