Stepmoms should have to know their place

We are all one big SM family united by the same struggles, pains and frustrating situations.  Wrong. That's like saying all apples are the same and forgetting how many varieties that are out there.

Similarly, we can all be grouped into one or several of possibilities:  a new SM, a seasoned SM, the childless SM, the Full time SM or a SM with adult Stepkids (SK). Like I mentioned before, this list can go on for days and days I'm sure.

For me, I suppose I am a hybrid of most of these roles.  I have been a new SM.  After 10+ years as a Full-time SM, I would consider myself now a seasoned SM also.  I,  too, juggle my own demons as a BioMom (BM) with my adult son's SM.  

I'm taking a timeout to vent a few of my recent frustrations and allow my devilishly cute side to take over for a SM moment.

I believe I am higher up the "step" ladder than my son's SM of 4 years and she should learn to recognize her place.  Boom!  There ya have it.  I said it.

As eager as we all are as new SMs to build relationships with our SKs, everything tells us to respect boundaries and not move too quickly. Heed this warning!  For over a decade, I've watched my hubby pour all himself into my son.  How to ride a bike, how to throw a ball, how to drive, how to shave.   He was DAD everyday, even when it was the most inconvenient.  This new SM entered the picture four years ago when my son was 14 years old and she will purposefully tag him so we can all see her Facebook posts with her "oldest son".   I can count on my fingers the few times she has joined her husband on weekly visits with him.  This woman has kids of her own and in my mind, she has to know that the full-time parenting she does for them is NOT the same time and effort she puts into our son.  Both my husband and this woman are serving as a stepparent to this same child; however, one is working much harder for his title.  So ridiculous to even compare the two but it is what it is.

Earlier in the year, I  witnessed another new SM situation unfold in my extended family while a niece was getting married.  This new SM was upset because she was not invited to purchase the wedding dress.  BioMom gets this honor.  In this case, my BM self says rightfully so.  This new SM entered the picture after her SD was grown and out of the house.  She did not have a hand in raising her thus in my opinion, her expectations were way off and completely unrealistic.  

I am a hard working, full-time SM that happens to be a full-time BioMom too.  Same thing on the opposite end can be said for my husband.  We are the ones that have stepped up daily for years.  I am grateful that my son has another someone in his corner that wants to know him.  To this woman, I would say that there is a place for you here but I've earned my pretty seat.  Back off a bit and go earn yours.